I am the curator here, if you are reading this then I am dead and the radioactive monkeys have won, never mind, lets crack on, ok if you made it this far you are curious as to what my books are like but not curious enough to bother reading one to find out, you want me to smooth talk you into it, you little minx! ok, well they are a hot mess of stupid events befalling stupid people, in a stupid fashion, in places that are very odd.
I am a twenty-five year old male stripper from Monaco, there are rumours going around that I am actually a middle-aged single dad from Blackburn in the UK but pay no attention to the haters, I have a PHD in English literature, again there are rumours circulating that actually I have very little education and am in fact severely dyslexic, this is only true if it wins a sympathy vote.
This is my state of the art studio apartment, office, creative laboratory style room that’s also my bedroom and where my kids play on Xbox. That’s my hat.
As you can see I am a humanoid of an indiscernible age, best guess would be mid twenties who writes a lot of books while wearing magnificent vests, below are said books, if you subscribe to this page you have my word I will not sell your details to an Indian call centre.
We have been selling comics ,action figures and gaming products since 1996 and started trading in Accrington.
Now based in Blackburn in a retail premises just opposite the town`s library,with a large gaming area to boot.We have been selling comics ,action figures and gaming products since 1996 and started trading in Accrington.
Now based in Blackburn in a retail premises just opposite the town`s library,with a large gaming area to boot.
Saving the world was the first step towards, well, everything! Drew, Mary, Sabastian, and Teak are in a world of epic stuff that they can’t understand.
An evil the universe had forgotten threatens to return, evil that’s still here is being a right pain, basically evil is just, well, it's being evil and nobody needs its crap!
There are two choices, resist or try to make up a second choice.
Well, that was sudden! Shamus turns on the television to discover that the planet has been invaded. Drew, Sabastian, and Mary along with Shamus and an alien visitor, Teak, are all that survived the swift Apocalypse.
Forming the resistance did not take long, there’s only five of them, but they will put up a fight none the less.
This is a tale of something or other, and what a tale it is, there was, something, then there was this other thing. Nobody saw it coming, nobody expected it, and nobody could have imagined the fight that followed, from Da’ Resistance!
Bruce thinks he is helping mankind and playing his part in saving the planet when he develops his serum for speeding up the development of lab-grown cultured meat.
What Bruce has actually done is send us to the bottom of the food chain; well not all the way to the bottom. we are still above Ducks. Nobody gets eaten by a Duck.
KHAOS IS COMING!
The fate of every living thing in the multiverse that has ever existed or is going to exist rests in the hands of a band of, well, weirdos if I am honest but they are our only hope.
Our reality and every possible reality are under attack from an evil force called Khaos that has sent apocalypse after apocalypse to every reality around the planet Earth.
Not every version of the Earth fell, a mighty few stopped the apocalypse sent by Khaos, these few are all that stand in the way of Khaos, these warriors, these heroes, these apocalypse Blockers!
IF YOU THINK LIFE IS A GAME, WAIT UNTIL YOU PLAY DEATH!
Chris and Steve were quite happy sitting in their rooms playing online games until events in a kabab shop changed everything and reset all of the rules.
A deal with the Grim Reaper could give them both a second chance at life if they can play the game of their lives inside some of the games they have only ever seen through a screen, until now.
Luckily they are not alone, friends they had not met, or maybe they had, help the new guys, the Noobs!
BOB'S BLOB OR BLOBS BOB?
Bob's day is off to a bad start. He is abducted by alien blobs and is put into a zoo, while the rest of humanity is being taken to slaughter to be turned into burgers.
He has had better Thursdays.
Bob's handler, Fred, befriends Bob, and the two of them try to change the legal status of humans, from food to intelligent life, so that the slaughter ship can be stopped, and everyone returned to earth, it is not easy as there are a lot of not very intelligent life forms on that ship.
THE BIRTH OF THE LEGEND! War is brewing and the galaxy's only space sheriff and his robot companion will not be enough to contain it. An awesome hero saving the day with dumb luck and unlikely coincidences can only get you so far. But when epic battles loom, epic friends are required.
DEAR GOD A ZOMBIE BIT MYFFANIE!
All merry hell breaks loose and life as we know it is in danger of being snuffed out from the planet on what is otherwise not too bad of a Tuesday.
Barry and Myffanie have to negotiate a Zombie apocalypse in an effort to save the market value of the house they bought in Ptthwit five years ago.
An accident in a nearby cosmetics laboratory has unleashed a zombie horde onto the village, one that may take over the entire planet if they don't stop it, or worse completely wipe out the extra value Barry's Garage extension put onto their property.
REAL MONSTERS ARE NOT AFRAID TO WEAR PINK!
Dracula looks on in horror at the monster's duck pouting on Instagram; teen vampires glistening in the sun with fabulous hair, werewolves with hipster beards... He decides enough is enough.
He will salvage the monster image with the monsters of old, and remind the world that they are so much more than fantasy objects for teenage girls.
Standing in Dracula’s way to world domination, are the children of his old enemies who have grown up, well, a bit snowflakey.
The Apocalypse is upon us. Good versus evil. Monster versus monster. It is this Wednesday. Bring a packed lunch.
GOOD LORD AND HELLS BRASSY BELLS MAN!
It's a time of great discovery and adventure, William desperately tries to cement his legacy into this revolution of industry with little success until he is gifted some designs for a space Rocket.
William and his manservant, Mumbandi build the Rocket, keen to prove all of his peers wrong and be the first to travel to the stars.
Discovery and adventure present themselves in an abundance during the first-ever journey of A Rocket to the Blasted Moon!
A STORY OF REALITIES, SPACE AND STUFF Dave’s new job, working on the wall of Copernicus sets off a series of events that just keep escalating really, what starts as political discourse somehow ends up being a race through time, space, and reality itself. Join a group of weirdos and oddballs as they explore the very complex social and physical aspects of the ‘stuff’ that surrounds them. A multiverse is an odd place and very odd things happen inside of it, so much so you can lose sight of whatever it was you thought was not odd, to begin with.
THE UNIVERSE NEEDS A HERO, OR A DRINK, PROBABLY BOTH!
Dave's first day working on the wall does not go well. Through very little fault of his own, he finds himself embroiled in the ruthless, backstabbing, corrupt world of interplanetary politics. The money has all gone, people are turning on each other, and the whole colony of Copernicus is in utter turmoil. Dave fumbles his way around the left wing and the right wing, and wings he never even knew existed, looking for the answer to Copernicus's problems before it’s too late and the colony descends into a lawless hive of people wearing leather and sporting mohawks.
Some idiot read from the book again!
This time the Devil has enlisted the help of Krampus and has kidnapped Santa himself, so he has.
Can fathers O'Malley and O'Riley once again thwart doomsday and save Christmas!?
One of those things seems a bit more pressing than the other to be fair, but both will need doing, so they will!
REAL MONSTERS ARE NOT AFRAID TO WEAR PINK!
Dracula looks on in horror at the monster's duck pouting on Instagram; teen vampires glistening in the sun with fabulous hair, werewolves with hipster beards... He decides enough is enough.
He will salvage the monster image with the monsters of old, and remind the world that they are so much more than fantasy objects for teenage girls.
Standing in Dracula’s way to world domination, are the children of his old enemies who have grown up, well, a bit snowflakey.
The Apocalypse is upon us. Good versus evil. Monster versus monster. It is this Wednesday. Bring a packed lunch.
Well, here we are again and things are a right mess.
(pinches nose)
It's complicated.
Terrorists tried smuggling a time manipulator through customs, only it went wrong and it ended up in the hands of a schoolboy, Alex, you remember him. Anyway, he thinks it is a time simulator, so he is using it to do his history homework. Every time Alex uses the time manipulator to travel back in time, it creates a copied universe, because you can’t travel backwards in time. If you could, we would all be doing it, right? So the gravity from all of these universes are pulling each other apart. Everyone's going to die unless a band of heroes finds a way to save us all. Let's hope they do; they probably will; there wouldn't be much point in writing a book about it if they did not. But you never know. You best read it anyway.
THIS IS FECKING SERIOUS, SO IT IS!
Bishops Point is about to face its biggest crisis since the distempered badgers attacked.
Father O'Riley and Father O'Malley are all that stand in the devil's way. The forces of Hell descend upon the sleepy Irish town en masse, but they were not expecting the good fathers to lead a rebellion against them.
Here we are yet again, still no nearer an end to this nonsense than when we began. That is where you are wrong. This is it! The end game. It all ends now! Our heroes thought they had saved reality, but now they’ve learned they don't even know what reality is! Things from reality are fighting back against them and in order to save their reality, they must first work out what reality is, then find the real reality, and stop it or something — I don't even know! Come on one last insanity-filled trip, and let's just hope nobody dies for very long.
GET ME THE MANAGER NOW! For a millennium, they sat waiting, traveling through the dark, empty, cold vacuum of space, plotting our demise. Every contingency was planned in detail. They were ready to wipe out our armies, crush any resistance and sweep aside any warriors. Mankind’s fate was sealed. It was only ever just a matter of time. What they had not planned for — what they are not ready for — is Karen! Any likeness between Karen and any real persons alive or dead is purely inevitable.
THIS QUEEN WAS NEVER A PRINCESS!
Rejected as a child, Rangalan found family, friends and a home with the goblin folk of the mountains. Now hunted by the man who first rejected her, Rangalan's father, King Longhorn, there's nothing Rangalan will not do to protect her friends.
That all sounds very serious.
It's not.
It’s actually all rather silly, utter nonsense if you ask me.
Read it if you must, but don’t say I did not warn you.
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